A Better Way

“A man who has control over others is strong, but a man who has control over himself has real power.”
Lao Tsu 600bc

Recovery is not about surrendering your power it is about reclaiming it. I’m not going to fix you or make you better, that is not my responsibility, nor is it within my power, only you have the power to do that. My role is not to make your life perfect or take away all your hurts because even if I could, that’s simply not how the world works in reality.

My role is to stay anchored in reality, here and now and to help you to find an inner place of safety from where you can learn to observe yourself. With the clarity that observation brings you learn how to no longer be a victim of your thoughts and feelings and there by consciously choose how you respond to the world. I’ll coach you in simple techniques that with practice will enable you to take real and effective control over yourself, and through your new found awareness have the power and clarity to deal effectively with what ever life throws at you without resorting to your addictions.

What is this better way?

It’s a kind of modern take on an ancient wisdom called mindfulness, mindfulness is more usually associated with the Zen Buddhist or Taoist traditions and is the key to the internal martial arts. Before you write me off as a complete nut case, please read on, because I’ve helped nearly 200 people now to a full recovery with this practice and if you are prepared to put a bit of work into it, then there is a very good chance that I can help you too.

You don’t need to be a Buddhist to practice mindfulness, I’m not a Buddhist nor a Taoist or anything for that matter; in fact I really don’t want you to believe in anything at all. Just be open minded enough to suspend your beliefs for now and be brave enough to try something that you may not fully understand, because people have been using these techniques for 2600 years to achieve profound states of peace and clarity and I reckon you could do with a bit of that, don’t you?

What is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness essentially means watching, watching your thoughts, feelings and behaviour. – Observing yourself!

Learning how to observe your self is a useful skill for everyone to learn, but for someone struggling with addictions it is absolutely essential. – When you can’t trust yourself, being able to observe yourself could potentially save your life!

How does it work?

Before you can watch your thoughts and feelings I’ll need to teach you how to quieten your mind, how to be fully alert, totally alive, but free of thought. It’s pretty much impossible to explain what that’s like, but if you come along for an assessment you’ll get to experience it for real and then you’ll know.

Being able to quieten your mind even for a few seconds is absolutely liberating. I’ll coach you in four very simple techniques, which you can bring into your everyday life that will allow you to switch off the noise and get a rest from your head. Bliss!

Quietening your mind is lovely but it's only just the start really, because in that quiet space between the thoughts, you can stand back and observe your thoughts. Not argue with them or analyse them or even change them, but simply watch and let them go.

One of the first things you will notice is that your thoughts do not always operate in your best interests. Your mind tells you to have a drink, do the line, place the bet or take the pill and then it tells you that you are an idiot for doing it. That’s a bit rich isn’t it? But it is not until you can observe your thoughts do you really have any choice. By learning to observe your thoughts you can make a conscious choice as to whether you entertain the thought, or whether you might be better off simply letting it go. It’s the observation that puts you in control. Are you getting the idea?

How does mindfulness help with addictions?

Some thinking is useful and we need it to function, but as you stand back and observe you will see that a lot of your thinking is not helpful to you. In fact a good proportion of it is down right destructive.

You will see that there is a link between what you are thinking and how you are feeling. You will see that most of the worry, stress, cravings, anger, loss or guilt that you experience on a daily basis is not caused by what is happening in reality - here and now - but is caused by what is going on in your own head! Whether you are resenting or regretting what has happened or worrying about what might happen and living the nightmare scenarios, your thinking is causing you real emotion pain. It’s a kind of self-inflicted torture!

If we aren't mindful of our thoughts and feelings they can quickly overwhelm us and cause us to react negatively, we might have an angry outburst, or panic, or make some other unwise response like resorting our addictions. It's really common for binges to be caused by a steady build of anger or stress. Does this ring any bells?

You're an intelligent person, once you see what you are doing to yourself you will stop, you won’t need me to tell you, you will just stop. And if you aren’t doing the thinking that makes you feel so bad, you might find that you feel good, in fact very good, happy even!

I'll show you how to observe feelings in your body without reacting to them, without making them worse with your thinking and how to allow the feelings to pass without incident. You will have learned how to take conscious control over yourself, and once you get the hang of this you’ve escaped the addictive trap forever because your addictions no longer serve any purpose.

Isn't this just some crazy nonsense?

Yes maybe it is and I nearly got thrown out of the NHS for teaching such heresy. But what I can tell you is, that it works. It was the solution for me and I have a mobile phone full of numbers of ex-clients who would tell you that it transformed their lives too. It's not for everyone and if it feels wrong then it’s not for you and that is fine, but if as you read on through the website you find that my reasoning calls out to you, then with a bit of support, a few simple techniques, some patience and your own energy, you will find that it is the answer for you too.

Is there any scientific validation for Mindfulness?

Yes, scientists are at last discovering what mindful practitioners have known for thousands of years, that this simple practice has profound effects upon health and well-being. Recent studies using brain and CAT scans reveal that people who practice mindfulness seem to have developed the power to alter their own brain chemistry and function, this is a neat little trick, because that is essentially what you have been trying to do with your addictive behaviours, isn’t it?

I have included some of the more interesting studies in the research section of the website along with links for further reading.

What is Recovery Coaching? Click here.

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